I no can eat cheeseburgerz?

This requires a bit of back story.

Back at the start of the 2010, I spent 5 weeks in the USA. In Silicon Valley, no one lives in the area with all the offices, so there aren't many shops or good restaurants. There are just a bunch of McDonalds and Denny's. Each day I would work until late, and then go to one of those crappy chains and have a burger. After I got back to the UK, I had to buy new baggier trousers. Seriously. I was 5 kgs heavier than I've ever been. How it happened, I'll never know.

Popeyes Chicken: Like KFC, but with Fried Scones

A Twinkie

Aww! It's just a Sponge Finger!

Back in the UK, I needed a way to lose weight. On a whim, I started playing rugby* because I thought there might be some Kiwis there. The start of the season was mortifying. During our second match, I staggered off the field and lay on the ground with stars flashing in front of my eyes. One of the young guys on the team was really worried about me, and insisted I txt him to let him know that I made it home without passing out. I was trying to explain that I was fine, it was just a case of an old fat guy trying to run fast. Damn punk kids.

Surprisingly, I got really into it. I ended up playing about 5 hours per week, and by the end of the season had managed to gain back 2 notches on my belt.

In October, they sent me back to the US for another 2 weeks. This time, I was determined not to get too fat again.

I think I mentioned that there is a big Vietnamese population in San Jose. There is a Vietnamese takeaway place near the hotel. They make an avocado milkshake - yes, I know it sounds weird - but it's absolutely delicious and presumably healthy. This trip I decided to spy on them while they made it so I could synthesize it back home. First they scooped an avocado into the blender, then they poured in a can of condensed milk. They they added a pinch of... wait, was that a whole can of condensed milk? Godammit, if that's how America makes a vege shake, no wonder I piled on the fat!

Over this 2 weeks I was so disciplined. I had a small salad almost every night. And then I got food poisoning with 2 days to go. I went home a whimpering shadow of my former self. Just once, I'd like to return from the States as roughly the same sized person who set off.

* Yes, all right, touch rugby. Are you happy?